I just weighed myself.

133

yeah, i know. you're supposed to weigh yourself first thing in the morning without clothes on, but i was curious. it had been a while since i weighed myself. before i weighed myself i did some crunches and stuff. i walked a lot today too. i think i'm going to start walking every day outside when it's nice. and i can exercise more in the house too i guess. i should start going to the gym on days that it's yucky outside. fuck, i  should have went today.. it probably would have made me feel better.

my BMI is normal, it's healthy. but i don't just want to be "healthy".. i want to be skinny, haha. I want to look GOOD in my bathing suit. I'm NOT fat, but I still don't like it. I'd be happy w| 120, that's what I was my junior year. I should be able to do that. I mean 13 pounds in like 2 1/2 months? That's possible..

I want my hair this long again! i wish i never cut it :(

anyway; this is me @ the end of my junior year ::
 

this was new year 2009... i'd be okay w| looking like this again too::

graduation [2008] ::

I don't know what's wrong w| me this week? :( I was fine until Friday night and I can't even explain it. I shouldn't be sad. I went to the movies w| Kayley, AJ, & Teter. We saw Kick-Ass, which was GREAT! And we had fun. Then we all went to Cody's and sat around the fire for a few hours. It was a GOOD night.. but seriously, Kayley took me home and suddenly this huge depression hit.

I feel gross today. I feel fat and my face is broken out so bad =[

I'm getting my tattoo on thursday.

I got the job at the house,
so I'll be making more.

I SHOULD be happy.
I shouldn't be sad.

I cried last night for the first time in a long time too.

WHAT IS WRONG W| ME?

I'm so stressed out.
UGH.

It needs to be May, now.

It's really been super long since I've written here.

First of all, I still hate Wayne College.
In fact, I just hate college in general.
I have NO desire to even try :/
I'm hoping that will change for next semester.
My major is now High School Education for English.

I wrecked my new car.
Yup, $2100 in damages.
But it's fixed and fine now.
I had to use the $500 my dad gave me
for Christmas to pay for the deductible.
and my insurance went up..
a lot.

I'm proud to say I never talk to jackass :)
I'm completely done w| his shit.
I deserve so much better.

Let's see.

I'm going to see Mayday Parade again on sunday :)

Me, Gina, & Kayley are moving to Kayla's house!
Her parents are moving to Alabama
and we're going to take over the house payments
until the house sells. So we can start moving in
after June 15th! I'm so excited!

Me, Kayley, Teter, & AJ are going to
MYRTLE BEACH
July 2-10th w| jackass' grandma :)
I love Lana so much.
Jackass isn't too happy about it,
but he can just fuck off :)

New York City was AMAZING.
i LOVED it.
It was beautiful. and so much fun!
I can't wait to go back sometime!

I'm getting my tattoo on my stomach
added on to! it's going all the way up my side!
I'm getting that done on the 22nd w| Kayley :)

Nothing else is really new ..
or exciting.

I was just thinking today though..
I'm so, so, so thankful
for ALL of my friends <3
and my family of course.
I would have been so lost without them.
I probably would be an emotional wreck,
and so unhappy & depressed.
They really saved me.
I'm so excited to move in w| my girls
and to be surrounded w| people that
actually care about me.
I'm never going to let a guy hurt me
like jackass did ever again.
I know better now.
I know that I should be happy.
I shouldn't let someone push me around
or walk all over me.
I'm also NEVER forgiving a cheater EVER again. :)

Things are kind of teter-tottering right now.
One week is awesome, then the next sucks.

But life goes on:)

and right now i'm probably
the happiest
that i have ever been in
a really, really long time :)

It's been a month since I last wrote in here,
but not much has changed.

Christmas was so good this year.

My dad & Lisa went all out for me and my sister,
I was kind of shocked.
They even got Landon a really nice high chair :]

I met this guy named Mike :]
he's really nice.

and woahh! he's from freaking
PORT ANGELES, WASHINGTON
as in the place from Twilight.
ahahaha.

i don't really care about that though, lol.

i really like being single so i'm not
going to go rushing into anything.

i've been messaging this other guy on facebook, haha.
he's my aunt's boyfriend's nepheww.
and he's actually pretty cute too :]

damnn, i missed this. haha.

classes start back up on the 11th.
and i'm really going to work hard this semester.

then i HAVE to get  this whole major/future career thing down.

i'm thinking i just want to be an editor, we'll see :]

peace ;]

Okay, I haven't written in a while.
Nothing much has changed,
but here's what's going on..

I'm still living back at home,
but hopefully I'll be out by the middle of May
or at least by June=]
Me, Gina, Jess & maybe Celeste
are getting a house in Akron
by the school =]
BECAUSE..

I scheduled my classes back @ Wayne.
and I was right, I'm right on target
and I'll be going to school in Akron next year! =]

December 4th
Me, Gina, Jess, and some others
are going to go see
MAYDAY PARADE!
I am soooooo excited!!!

Then me and Gina were able to
get first shift on Christmas
which is soon =]
so I'll be off by 2 to be with my family =]

Then there's
NEW YEARS
AND
A NEW SEMESTER =]

AND FOR FUCKING SPRING BREAK
ME, GINA, HER MOM, AND MY MOM
ARE GOING TO GO TO
NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OUR HOTEL IS ALREADY BOOKED

It was going to just be Me, Gina, and maybe friends;
but then we realized that it would be cool
for us to go with our mom's =]
they both agreed and we won't have to worry
about having to be 21 to check in the the hotel.

We'll be staying in Manhattan,
we got a nice room with 2 queen beds =]
our hotel has a pool and a spa.
I'm super excited.

So March 19-21 I will be in NYC =]

I REALLY am doing so much better with out Zac.

I'm down to like 130.4 I think.
and my face has been more clear.
I cut my hair and it's really cute.
I'm going out and having fun,
and making plans like Mayday & NYC.

=]

life is good right now.

I'm not going to lie though,
sometimes I still get sad,
but I know I won't be lonely forever.
plus, I have great friends <3